Saturday, September 02, 2006

Religion and Razorblades


Ok so I've decided that the current world we live in is too messed up so I'm going to create a new one. This new world will be based upon two ideals. The first ideal is that money will be abolished. Instead, razor blades will be used to settle any and all debts, public or private. I'm not talking about any ordinary razorblade, I'm talking about the Fusion blade from gillette. Five blades, people. That's right. The monetary value of this wondrous piece of technology is beyond measure and its merit as a tool of male grooming is vastly underrated. This means, of course, that the male gender will be in control of my new world, as it is today. Do not fret, though, because they will all be impeccably groomed.

The second ideal is that your religion will be kept to yourself. As we all know, religion, before any other reason, is responsible for the deaths of countless people. So to avoid that in my world you can believe in anything you want, even spaghetti monsters, but you can't force your beliefs on other people. This time around, the native peoples of this world will be able to keep their religion and not feel bad about worshipping a god in charge of smooth shaves because as we all know, there is no wrong religion.

And everyone will be happy because they will all own foot massagers.

14 Comments:

At 9:33 AM, Blogger Antonio said...

Jesus Shaves!

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger PhunAndGab said...

Do you work in the new Gillette factory ?

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Josue' said...

Five blades is SUCH unnecessary overhead...I see that you have become ensnared in the Gillette marketing machine...I trust my beard with Mach 3 (oldie, but goodie). The blades are thicker and the shave is consistent longer than the first pass of a 5blade apparatus...

 
At 7:04 PM, Anonymous Kristy said...

Man, Josue, I hope you were joking with what you wrote about this piece, because, if not...

While my preference tends to run to Venus (3 blades), I, for one, welcome our many bladed overlords.

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger Josue' said...

Kristy,
I am completely serious. I have tried 4 and 5 blades (Gillette and other brands) and they are not as good as the Mach 3...over time. Please understand that for the first pass, the Fusion is king, but for me and my wallet, I can count on Mach 3 to provide the most bang for the shaving buck and until you start having to shave your face, trust me. :)

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger PhunAndGab said...

I can't wait until the 24 bladed ones come out...

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger The D said...

haha, Shaving fools!

oh Dave, seems a bit to convinient to blame deaths of people on religion insted of the people who use religion to further their own twisted plans. Which came first? People killing eachother or religion?

 
At 9:59 PM, Blogger PhunAndGab said...

Cane and Abel ?

 
At 11:08 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Dan if you want me to blame those people that "use religion to further their own twisted plans" then fine. But you have to admit that for all those people it becomes a lot easier to kill someone in the name of their chosen religion than to do it for any other reason. What if there was no religion? What would happen then? There would still be common sense and civility, right? If religion didn't exist would we still face the same problems as we do today? Maybe power and money would become the new religion but how many wars today are being fought on both sides for those reasons?

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger PhunAndGab said...

Aren't atheists religious in their atheism ? Without "religion" wouldn't people be religious in some sort of way ? Whether it is beliefs, daily rituals, worshipping one's self, religious by always being a war monger, etc... Do I make sense ?

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger The D said...

Dave, that is just silly. Most wars are fought for power and money. Power and money is the largest religion in the world. People will always fight eachother. Religion is just a good excuse but it is not a reason. People are evil and opportunistic and decietful. Those are just human traits. Those things will never go away. But when you boil down religion, is it really a bad thing? Don't murder your neighbour. Don't take your neighbours things. Don't lie about your neighbour to get him in trouble. Try and be a good person. That isn't religion, it is just common sense. People just wrote down these things to remind people that there is a good way to act. Is that so wrong?

 
At 1:59 AM, Blogger Dave said...

People may have wrote those rules down, but they failed to include the part that read... "do all those things even though that person is of a different religion."

Those words don't exist for every religion.

 
At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dave, you are warped. Do not change, whatever you do. Give me a holler sometime, bud.

P.

Oh, and i agree with Dan. People slaughter people over money and power. Religion is usually just an excuse. Unless, of course, you consider the Crusades.

 
At 11:28 AM, Anonymous Michael said...

I think that eventually, they are going to create an device where you send the company a mold of your face, and they will send you a personalized shaving mask. You put it in position, move it two inches and the 1000 blades instantly and effortlessly shave the hair from your face in a single pass. There is marketing potential there I tell you.

 

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