Caldo de Oso

Tornado

2009-04-11T02:21:00.000-07:00

A tornado hit near here early Friday morning. I'm ok. That is all.

Hey, check me out...... all postin' and stuff.

2008-06-30T23:20:00.000-07:00

Hey look at me, I'm postin' again. So let's see.... here's what's been going on. I changed my major from computer science to electro-mechanical engineering, I quit Target, and I moved out of the hell house I was living in before.

Turns out that roommate I was living with, the one that had a dog, all of a sudden turned into Dr. Doolittle. He brought in a Great Dane without even asking me if it was ok. His girlfriend's dog also stayed with us all the time. Eventually he got rid of the Great Dane, then a week later he picked a stray off the street, told me he was gonna take it to the shelter and never did. Then adopted another dog from his job, making a total of four dogs running around the house at any given time. It was awful. Plus he was a racist. We had a disagreement while I was moving out and he called me a "fucking Mexican". So yeah, I'm glad I got outta there.

I am now living with a friend of mine named Fahad. We get along and he has a dog named Odin who is awesome. He's a mutt who is as cool as Ofelia, my old dog (R.I.P).

My car had some issues but I fixed them myself, which was cool, saved me some money. Had to change the starter, a headlight and one of the internal components for the windshield wipers.

My Xbox died, but it was still under warranty so they're fixing it for free.

My apartment complex has a gym so I'm trying to become as metrosexual as I can.

My Celtics won the NBA championship. They were the first sports team I really got into so that was cool.

At this time I would like to open the floor to any questions.

I had a dream....

2008-01-22T07:48:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream that cost $150 million to make. It had lavish locations, great special effects and A-list actors. It started off in space where I was teamed up with Johhny Depp who was playing a character not unlike Jack Sparrow. We were trying to rescue a girl named Penny Maupin, played by a friend of mine, who was abducted from a book store by an apecat, which is a monster that is part huge King-Kong ape and part cat. Somehow we ended up in Puerto Rico, where I'm stuck in the back of a Jeep being driven through a jungle by Johhny Depp, who is slowly morphing into Will Smith, who is aging backwards. We came to a stretch of water and I found out the Jeep floats, which was good, but due to a lack of a propulsion system I had to get in the water and push it to our destination, which was bad cause the water had sharks in it.

We arrived at an island where this woman wanted to charge us $1000 to buy a story, I don't know why we needed to, I just remember thinking that we could download one for free. I also thought the price was outrageous but by that time Will Smith had aged back to his "Fresh Prince" days and Carlton was there to pay for the story. Then I had to pay $1.80 for a can of coke while we ate single servings of cornbread. $1.80!! Apparently the woman was upset at me because in an earlier dream I had designed some pants with a special hideaway pocket and the person I was making them for turned out to have problems accessing the pocket because he was fat. I told her that wasn't my problem, my work was good, it was her fault for not informing me the guy was gonna be fat, but she refused to listen to me and overcharged me for the soft drink. The cornbread was terrible too. Unfortunately after that scene the entire production was cut short due to a jackhammer outside my window at 7am. We never did find Penny.

Here you go, Dan.

2007-10-12T23:44:00.001-07:00

SQUAT!

Video Games Are Fun

2007-07-18T02:37:00.000-07:00

So I've been playing this game called Guitar Hero for a while. It's fun. Very fun. I've been playing the second installment a lot in anticipation for the 80's Edition that comes out next Tuesday. I've been trying to 5 star every song in the game, including the bonus songs, and it has been difficult. For those of you who don't know, getting 5 stars on a song is the highest rating you can achieve, and it's not easy.

So anyway I says to Mabel, I says, the last song that I had left to 5 star is called Jordan and it's played by this freak called Buckethead. He really is a freak, he plays guitar like a robut and wears a plain white mask and a bucket of KFC on his head. After many many tries I finally achieved 5 star status last night. Thank you, thank you.

Yeah I know it's only a video game but it's fun and it was hard and it felt good so there.

By the way I know some of you need proof so I included a screenshot. If you doubt the authenticity look at the name of the band, my brothers will testify.

More Than Meets The Eye

2007-07-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Well I saw Transformers the other day. I have to say it was awesome. I had a blast. I went into the theatre with low expectations and came out impressed. This is what a summer film is supposed to be, lots of cool imagery, some jokes thrown in, gigantic robots causing chaos, and just thoroughly entertaining. I know the film has been bashed by a lot of fanboys, but that's just cause they were wanting it to be something it's not. They wanted the movie to be a grown-up version of the cartoon and it's not. Which is fine with me. This film isn't trying to make cinematic history here. If you want a great plot with plenty of character development and a deep, sociological message than stay at home and rent Citizen Kane.

As far as staying true to the original cartoon, well it wasn't 100% accurate, no movie based on a comic or cartoon ever is, but it wasn't that far off either. If you are a fan of the cartoon than you're going to recognize the characters and most of them do act like they did in the cartoon. Casting the original voice of Optimus Prime was essential and really did a lot to remind you of the original. ILM did a sensational job with the effects. You're not going to sit there and think the robots are obviously not real, they did a good job of making it seem like they were really there and interacting with the people and environments. Like I said, it's a fun movie. If you go in there ready to criticize every last detail then you're gonna have a bad time. The bottom line is that if you wanna have fun then you're gonna have fun. So go see it. I'm definitely gonna see it again.

Poker? I don't even know her!

2007-06-27T04:19:00.000-07:00

So last Tuesday I was invited to a friend's house to play some Texas Hold 'Em. The buy-in was $10 but you were given an opportunity to buy back in for another $10 if you lost all your money.

I lost all my money.

So I buy back in and this guy puts me all in with a king showing on the flop. I had a king with a nine kicker. As soon as he said "all-in" I said "call". He also had a king, but his kicker was a 10. I lost, I was pissed. I did have fun, though, and I learned a couple things that I was sure to use next time we played.

So last night we played again. I bought in for $10 and was given the opportunity to buy back in for another $10 if I lost all my money.

I didn't lose all my money.

In fact, this time I was one of the last two players left. The guy that put me out of the game last Tuesday got what was coming to him. I beat him worse than he beat me, which was great. The flop showed a 4, 5, and 6. He went all-in and I called him right away because I had a straight, which is what I thought he had. I was right, but I had a 7 and an 8 and he had a 2 and a 3. I was ecstatic. He was not. Fuhgeddaboudit, Whaddayagonnadoo, ah?

So after he left it was down to two players. I thought I was gonna win the whole thing cause I had been playing well the whole night. Unfortunately for me it was getting late so we decided to call the game and walk with whatever we had. I bought in for $10 and walked with $100. I'd say it was a good improvement from last week.

UPDATE: I played again last night (Thursday). A good time was had by all and 100% of the proceeds went to the Eduardo Maeso Foundation. A very worthy cause. Everyone was wearing brown ribbons, which is the symbol for that charity. Anyway, this time we played till the end and I walked with all the cash. I bought in for $10 and left with $80. I guess I'm not that bad at poker. On the other hand, I might not get invited back since I'm taking everyone's money. We shall see.

Moe Mow Mo' Meaux

2007-06-11T01:53:00.000-07:00

First of all, here's an update on the roommate situation. One person has moved in this month. His name is Chris, he's a student at MTSU and so far we get along fine. He did bring a dog with him. It's a miniature schnauzer, not a bad litle dog, I'd like her a lot more if she didn't bark all the time. We still haven't found a roommate for the other room. Chris had a friend who was moving in but it didn't pan out. I have a friend who might move in, he hasn't made up his mind. We'll see what happens.
Other than that not much has been going on. I had a good time on the island with my Uncle's wedding, hanging out with the fam, listening to my father's rants, eating my mom's food, playing with Ofie, and kicking my bro's ass in Battlefront. Down here in TN is mostly the same old shite. I did recently go to this botanical garden/museum with my good friend Mallocup. First place I've been to in Nashville other than a football game. It was quite fun. They had some interesting exhibits, including some Faberge eggs and 100 asian snuff jars. I need to make a website to put up photos of my various escapades cause I got some good ones there.
Over at work we got a new head honcho. I don't like him very much even though we've only spoken a couple times. It's something I can't quite put my finger on. I'm sure you all know what I mean. Most of the people I've talked to don't like him either, guess it's just one of those things.

That's about it so far. Look for my next post about some of the people I've dealt with at work. That's always funny.

Oh one more thing, I've been walking around for the past week with a mohawk. Quite liberating. There are pics below, click for pops.

New Post! Huzzah!!!!

2007-05-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

Alright so I haven't posted in a while. Sorry. My bad. Yeah. I've been busy, what can I say? I'm flying to Puerto Rico in the morning to go to my uncle's wedding. That should be a blast, it always is when the fam gets together. Certain people will be missing, for various reasons, so it won't be like the other weddings I've been to in that sense but hey, it's in PR, it's gonna be fun. I'm gonna be there till close to the end of May, which is gonna be cool. This next piece of information, however, is not cool.

I live with two roommates, and one of them will be moving out at the end of May. So me and my other roommate have been trying to look for someone to move in. I put up an ad on Craigslist and flyers at the university. We've got some good leads so I was optimistic. Wait, did I say one of my roommates was moving out? I meant BOTH OF THEM!!! That's right. I was just informed earlier that the roommate who told me she was staying last week is now deciding to move. This news came hours before I am to fly to PR. I don't know about you, but that's what I call great timing. This coming after she said she'd stay.

Awesome.

So now I'm gonna be in PR trying to find two people to move in. I'm damn sure going to be looking for a place to move to as well. Luckily my other roommate offered to help show the place and help out while I'm away because the female roommate is always sick and feeling bad and she's been staying at her parents house because she can't climb the stairs.....blah blah blah. You know how she told me she was moving out? She left a note. Let me say that again. She left me a handwritten note. And on that note she said she wouldn't be able to discuss this matter until this weekend. I tried calling her but she didn't pick up the phone.

Awesome.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion.

Update

2007-04-07T01:39:00.000-07:00

We interrupt this blog to bring you this important message.

This is a test from the Emergency Blog Update System. This is only a test.

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This has been a test of the Emergency Blog Update System. Had this been a real update, you would have read many witty words and amusing anecdotes, followed by slight chuckles and the occasional smile. Please stay tuned.

How It's Made

2007-03-14T00:34:00.000-07:00

The title of my post is the title of a show on the Discovery Channel which is the greatest show ever. It shows you the process that goes into making everything from kayaks to radiators. No matter what the product is, it's fascinating to see how it's made. I saw one where they show you how they make chickens. They incubated the eggs, hatched them, then sent millions of chicks on conveyor belts where they were sorted and dumped down chutes into containers to be taken to farms. I sat there in complete awe as I saw how plastic cups and cutlery were manufactured. I never thought that seeing a highlighter being assembled would entertain me so. But it did. Watch this show and you will be sucked in.

DO IT NOW!!!!

I love cars

2007-02-19T22:57:00.000-08:00

My car hasn't been starting lately. I figured it was the starter because the battery is fine. At least I thought it was. So this past Sunday I took a ride out to Smyrna, where my uncle used to live, to see his ex-wife's son so he could help me figure out what the problem was. Zach, my uncle's ex-wife's son, works at one of those auto stores and has probably forgotten more about cars than I know.

Since my car hasn't been starting, I've had to get someone to help me push it so I could pop the clutch and get it going. When I got to Zach's store, I parked at the end of the parking lot so I could push it if it didn't start again. Zach tested the battery with a portable machine, which told him to retest it with the larger machine inside the store. So we yanked the battery out of my car and I waited around for 30 minutes while the battery got tested. The machine informed me I needed a new battery, which I thought was weird since the battery was not even two years old. It still had a warranty on it so Zach told me to just take it over to where I bought it and get a new one. He put it back in my car and I was getting ready to start pushing it but when I turned the key it started up. I thought it was because the battery had been charged some and was relieved because I didn't want to pay for a new starter.

I drove up the road to the other store and asked them to check out the battery so I could get a replacement. They told me to bring the car around and I went out to the parking lot and the car started again, which was good. The guy told me to pop the hood and leave the engine on and I said ok and got out of the car to see what he was doing.

Big mistake.

My mind went on autopilot for a second. Normally when I get out of my car I get out of the seat, lock the door, stand up, and close the door in one fluid motion without thinking. I did the same exact thing this time, which would've been ok if my keys weren't still lodged firmly in the ignition. With the engine running. And the gas needle on E.

I did get a little bit lucky because I realized what I was doing as I was swinging the door closed so it didn't shut all the way. It still clicked but there was enough space between the door and the car to stick a hanger or something inside and try to open the lock. I tell the guy testing my car that my keys are locked inside and I needed something to get inside the car. He seemed amused as he told me he'd go look for something in the store. I waited around for a while for him to get back when I spotted a dollar store. I decided to go over there and purchase some wire hangers so I could try to get in the car myself. By the time I get back to my car, the guy from the store is back with a ridiculously short metal rod with a hook at the end. He says it's too short. I was already aware of that fact.

So he leaves me to try and open the door by myself because he has to help his customers and I stand out there, in the cold, for 20 or 30 minutes trying to hook the hanger on the lock and save myself further embarrassment. After several close calls I finally manage to open the door. I go back inside and the guy comes back out to test the battery. I turn the car off. He informs me the battery is fine. Confusion ensues. I ask him if he's sure, he says yes. So I say, ok, and get back in my car to drive back to Zach's store and ask him what was going on. I turn the key in the car and I get nothing. Anger ensues. I get the guy to give me a push and I get the car started by popping the clutch again.

I drive to Zach's and have to turn off my car so he can test the battery again. This time his portable machine says it's ok. Confusion, with a dash of exasperation, ensues. So this time he says it could very well be the starter, which sucks because replacing the battery would've been free. I get ready to ask him if he can help me push the car to get it started when he says he wants to try something. He goes inside and comes back out with a short metal rod and a mallet. He positions one end of the rod on the starter and gives the other end a couple whacks. I get in the car and it starts right up. Sure, why not? All this trouble and all I had to do was whack the damn thing with a hammer. I could've done that at home hours ago.

Stil, I was a little relieved that we figured out what the problem was but I knew I still had to get it replaced. Weird thing is I haven't had any problems starting it up since he gave it those whacks. I figure I'll wait a week and see what happens. Man, I hate cars. Sometimes I wish we could travel around in tubes. But the lines would be too long because everyone would want to ride them. And you know there would be kids messing around all over the place, trying to ride in the tubes without taking the proper safety precautions. Damn kids.

So that was my Sunday. How was yours?

Anyway here are some more videos from PR. The first one is my conservative sister receiving a gift from my liberal brother. The second one is a shot of a waterfall in El Yunque. Enjoy.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/tktjo7

http://www.sendspace.com/file/x3ifp0

Movie Post

2007-02-15T23:14:00.000-08:00

Here's a link to a movie of my brother Ben trying to withstand the power of water

http://www.sendspace.com/file/sbxgts

I'm Back

2007-01-22T23:04:00.000-08:00

So I'm back from the island where a good time was had. I saw some family, saw some friends, ate very, very, very well, celebrated christmas and new years, drank some Absinthe, had some tripletas, watched some football, saw my doggie, relaxed, and took an assload of pictures with my snappy new digital camera. The pic above was taken in Culebra, where the grandparents live. As soon as I get an internet site to show those off you people will get to see them. Until then you'll just have to imagine the blue skies and clear waters and greasy pork sandwiches.

Aside from Culebra we did some sightseeing in Viejo San Juan and visited some bars that I've been frequenting since high school. We went to the Bacardi factory and did the tour there, which was somewhat interesting, I wasn't blown away. There were two good parts to that tour; the first was the free drinks they gave us and the second was during the part of the tour where the group sat in a room and watched a video about the founding of the company. That was funny because the video started and ended with a commercial showing people drinking Bacardi at bars and beaches and there were women gyrating all over the place which I had no problem with but I'm sure annoyed some of the mothers that were there with their kids.

We took a trip to El Yunque, which is always fun. I didn't quite find the "second one" but I'll leave that for next time. Had some good food at a restaurant up there, though, and watched my brother try to stand under a 50 foot waterfall. I got that on video, as soon as I post it somewhere I'll let you know.

By far the most interesting part of the trip was "Tourist Tuesday". I label it as such because we did a lot of things that day. It started in Culebra, where we went snorkeling at the beach near my grandparent's house. Then we went to Flamenco Beach, which is on the other side of the island. Then we got on a ferry and headed back to Fajardo, which is on the mainland. We had dinner there and then rushed to get to a reservation we had to pilot two-man kayaks into a bioluminescent bay. That was really cool. They let us enter the bay and everytime you made a movement there was an explosion of light in the water around you. It's hard to explain, it's something you really have to see to appreciate. That night provided some moments of comedy as well as we watched my brother Dan, who is supposed to be an experienced kayaker, and his friend Wasim fall behind the entire group because they couldn't row their kayak in a straight line. I was in a kayak with my other brother Ben, and we kept looking back to see if we could see their kayak. Instead we heard the tour guide shouting instructions at them. They finally got it toward the end, but it was still funny. It was a long day but a good one.

So that's about it for now. I'd like to take this time to congratulate my football team, the Chicago Bears, on winning the NFC Championship and getting a chance to play in the Super Bowl. Everybody has been disrespecting this team since day one and no one will give them a chance to win the big one but that's okay. Everyone has been wrong so far, and hopefully come Super Bowl Sunday the Bears will have a big plate of crow ready for the doubters to enjoy. Bear Down!

New Post Coming Soon!

2007-01-13T14:43:00.000-08:00

Coming next week, a new post from Dave. Stay tuned as he describes the past couple weeks spent in his native homeland of Puerto Rico! Marvel at his descriptions of the food and the beaches! Stare in awe at his words as he describes the natural beauty of the Caribbean paradise known as the Jewel of the.......Caribbean!

STAY TUNED!

Is this ironic?

2006-12-16T23:37:00.000-08:00

I need you guys to tell me if you think this is ironic or not. So I got home from work the other night and my neighbors were having themselves a party. I went over and had a few brews, did the party thing, you know how I roll. Later on in the evening I find myself outside in front of my house/duplex/apartment structure listening to this guy who went on and on about how he just got out of jail and how he didn't do it and all that crap. There's a concrete block with steps and one door from the outside that leads to a little vestibule and my door and my neighbor's door are inside that. In order for you to avoid having to picture what that looks like I have, once again, provided some astonishingly accurate artist's renditions. This is what that looks like.

Now, my neighbors have had parties before, but this time they allowed someone else to invite people over, thus they didn't really know anyone at their own party and that's why the following happened. As you can see there are little windows on either side of the door. Through said windows I see my neighbor's door open and I have a clear view of the stairs inside their apartment. There's this guy opening the door and looking around while his friend is coming down the stairs with my neighbor's Xbox and Xbox 360 in his arms. At this point I think to myself: "You gotta be fucking kidding me." I open the door and his friend says "Look out" and the idiot thief actually turns his back to me trying to hide the fact that he's trying to steal my neighbor's stuff. This is what he looked like. I asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. This is what he said to me: "Someone told me to hold these for him!" Brilliant. The criminal mind hard at work. I told him to put them back, he goes back inside the house, repeating his pathetic excuse, puts the game systems down and takes off. His friend sits there for a moment and I tell him he better follow his accomplice before everyone finds out what's going on and beats his ass. He takes off, I try to call someone to get my neighbors inside, they were in the backyard at the time, while I'm sitting there making sure no one takes their stuff. The neighbors finally get there and everyone is pissed and the party's over and I'm the hero. Later on they treated me to a meal at Steak 'N Shake, which was good.

So there you have it. I was talking to a thief, listening to him tell me that he didn't do it, while observing another thief attempting to steal some stuff. You tell me, ironic.....or not?

Black Friday Reflections

2006-11-30T23:46:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a week since the Blackness and I know all of you have been dying to hear about my experience so here it goes. Nothing happened. No fights, no people yelling at each other or at me, absolutely nothing. I was disappointed. The only thing that was annoying was saying "We're out of it" about 700 times, especially when it came to the Nintendo Wii. Doesn't anybody know that if they're not on the floor then we don't have any? It's like we're hiding them in the back and if you're smart enough to ask then you get one cause you're so smart, you smart, smarty-pants you.

I thought it was funny that people had been waiting in line for hours in the cold when they could've bought all the products that were on sale that Friday on Wednesday then brought their receipts in to get them adjusted. One guy did that, so I had to give him credit.

Anyway that's it. Not that exciting. I still have finals coming up and I also have to work during them so things are gonna suck for a while. I have a lot going thru my head right now and I can't relax. I need the Sandman to come take me away, but he's a little busy with someone else right now and I don't blame him....

At least I don't have to work on the day after Christmas. I'll be in Puerto Rico sitting on a beach, earning 20%.

It's Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-18T03:30:00.000-08:00

So got up at 6:30 Friday morning and went to work to deal with the launch of the PS3.
When I arrived I was disappointed because I didn't see anyone in line outside the store. Bear in mind that there were people lining up at noon on Wednesday so when I didn't see them there I started to wonder but then realized that, according to our policy, someone had handed out tickets to the first 10 people in line because that's how many units we had. I had to tell this to the one poor sap standing outside, believing he was the first, and then watched him storm off.
After that everything went off without a hitch, which was too bad. I'd been hearing stories of other stores having riots in their parking lots and people beating the shit out of each other but sadly that did not happen. Instead the people who had received tickets marched in like zombies, bought the console and then left to sell them for two grand on ebay. Oh well, maybe next time.

I did have a great dinner that night, though. I had a giant olive and some Bambi.

Work Happenings

2006-11-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

Ok I did it. I'm embarrassed but I did it. I bought two 10th Anniversary Tickle Me Elmo toys from my work. They are sitting in my room waiting to take advantage of a desperate parent with money to spend who just HAS to get their kid the "Toy of the Season". I actually got up at 8am to go buy them. It's sad, but I'm sure I'll get over it once Elmo makes me a rich man.

An old lady asked me to move six 50lb bags of dog food around so she could get the one that came with a free dog treat inside.

Some degenerate stole a pregnancy test. If you can't afford to buy the test, what are you gonna do if you're pregnant?

A customer wanted to return a widescreen DVD because he didn't have a widescreen TV to play it on. I told him you could play the DVD on any TV, which is true. He refused to believe me and got pissed when I repeated myself 20 times. Idiot.

I want to burn the section of the store that sells clothing for dogs.

Some animal decided to go to the footcare aisle and proceeded to open several packages of insoles, like Dr. Scholl's and that gel crap, in order to examine them and then left them on the floor. For some reason I thought if I had been there earlier I would seen Sasquatch.

Me: "Can I help you?"
Dumbass: "Do you have the DVD of the Borat movie?"
Me: "You mean the one that just got released in theaters?"
Dumbass: "Yeah"
Me: "No"
Dumbass: "But it just came out"
Me: "Yeah......IN THEATERS."

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."
-Randal Graves

Battlefields and Busted Tires

2006-10-30T23:13:00.000-08:00

So a couple days ago I went to a Civil War battlefield near my house called Stones River. I had to go for a class I'm required to take about Tennessee history. I went to the visitor's center first where I got a pamphlet containing info about the self-guided tour from a guy who looked like he was at the battle. Everything was free, which was cool. There was a museum exhibit that had several artifacts from the battle, along with personal accounts from the soldiers and various descriptions of the soldiers and the battle itself. The old guy told me to see the video first because there was a schoolbus full of kids coming in 15 minutes. There was a small theatre with a big red button in front of a screen that you pressed to see the 9 minute film. The film wasn't bad. I watch a lot of the History Channel so I'm into this kind of stuff. The film's realism was most impressive. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of nightmares the kids would have after seeing all those soldiers cut down and their blood running like rivers onto the ground. Most impressive.
I liked the self-guided aspect of the tour because I could just read the info in the pamphlet and tour the site at my own pace. It was cold and raining which lent to the atmposphere because the soldiers themselves experienced similar weather. I had read that this site was supposed to be haunted and I was by myself so I kept expecting some confederate ghost to pop out of the woods and stab me with his ghostly bayonet. That would've made my year. Overall it was an interesting visit.
Coming back from the battlefield was just as exciting. The brakes on my car have been shot for a while now so I'm always careful when I drive. I don't know what happened that day, I think I was just excited about all the history I had witnessed, but I wasn't as careful as I should've been. I was driving on a wet road and had just come over the top of a hill. At the bottom there was a stoplight and it had just turned red. I've provided some astonishingly accurate artist's renditions about the events of this incident. Here is the scene I have just described. There were three cars stopped at the light, one in each lane, including the turning lane. No cars were coming from either side of the intersection that had the green light but there were cars stopped on the other side of the red light. I was coming too fast and tried to stop when my brakes locked up and I started to skid, seen Here.
At this point I had a decision to make. Either A:pick a car to rear-end or B:do something stupid. I chose B. I swerved all the way to my right, trying to get my car sideways so I would stop. Instead I jumped the median and hit the sidewalk on the other side of the road. My tire exploded and I had to limp to a nearby driveway to change my tire. There was a third option that would've saved my tire but I guess everything happened so fast that I didn't have time to react. That option is shown here. Clearly I should've gone with that option but now I have to buy a new tire and get my brakes fixed. The icing on the cake was that I had to get home and write a paper that was due later that day. I got it done, though. Plus I guess I was lucky that there were no cars coming from the opposite direction. So I got that going for me.

Slow Times

2006-10-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

Not much going on right now, just work and school. The weather is starting to change and I'm not looking forward to it. I hate the cold. I'm an island boy, whaddaya want? 90 degree winters are what I like. Sure snow looks good every now and then but it's c-c-c-cold.

School is school and work is work. Occasionally something interesting will happen, like these three dudes who were shoplifting and forgot that there were cameras in the ceiling. That was funny. They leave the store and then are escorted back in two seconds later by a cop and our AP guys (Assets Protection). They had that look on their faces , the one were you can tell that they really screwed up. Sweet.

Anyway I'm pretty bored nowadays. Very few friends to occupy my time, which I guess is good for schoolwork. I had a friend tell me to buy something for her at my job a couple weeks ago and I still haven't gotten a call about that or anything else, for that matter. One of those people who are either busy all the time or just making excuses, you've all known people like that, I'm sure. I actually had some "friends" from work over for the Bears game this past Sunday. I put that in quotes because most of the people I talk to at work I wouldn't consider true friends. I see them all the time, yeah but I never interact with them anywhere else but work. At least my Bears are doing good. That's about the only thing providing a break in the monotony. It helps that they're kicking ass, too. Hope it continues. Well that's it for now. Update concluded.

People Suck

2006-09-28T03:03:00.000-07:00

So how may of you reading this would go to a store with your kids (if you have any, if not then speculate) and watch your kid intentionally spill a drink on the floor and then sit there and wait till an employee came by, point at the spill, say you're sorry, then walk away? If you're like me then you would take some responsibility for your child. Help the employee clean up the mess. Offer, at least. You have no idea how many people down here don't give a shit. Am I not in the bible belt? Where's the "southern hospitality"?

Most people suck no matter where you are. Don't believe anyone when they tell you that people from so and so are the nicest people you've ever met and that they'll do anything for you. I got news for you. Show up at these people's houses and start banging on the door shouting that "they're out to get you" and see how many of them open up. Zilch, baby. That's right.

A joke for you that I made up:

I like my women like I like my presidents....southern and stupid.

YEAH!!! I dare you to read all my posts and tell me I couldn't write at least 50% of the sitcoms that are on TV right now. Take a look at that pic up top. That's comedy gold!

People Suck

2006-09-28T02:36:00.000-07:00

I forgot where I live

2006-09-16T00:14:00.000-07:00

So usually when we close the store at work whoever's in charge plays a CD over the intercom. Most of the time it is something horrific. For example....we had this CD we gave away for buying various cleaning products. It was supposed to cheer you up while you cleaned. The title of the CD is.... are you ready?

"Good Clean Fun".

It sucked. It had crap like the Barenaked Ladies and the B-52's on it. All this upbeat junk that I had to listen to at the end of my shift. Oh God, it was horrible. And it was played constantly. As an indication as to how much I hated this CD I googled it to try and find out what was on it and I typed in "Good Clean Gun", which is what I wish I had when I was force-fed that noise.

Anyway the musical selections have improved somewhat, although now there's an 80's CD that's made way too many appearances at closing time. So yesterday I decided to put together a mix of different stuff. I was operating under the assumption that if I put in a wide variety of music the CD would please everyone. So I put stuff like the Ramones, Pearl Jam, James Brown, Etta James, Tribe Called Quest, Johnny Cash, Santana, Sublime, The Temptations, Janis Joplin, some Puerto Rican music, The Beatles....all this different stuff. And people complained! There were some who kept telling me the whole CD should've been country. That's when I remembered where I was. Good Ole Tennessee! I was trying to expand some horizons, you know? Instead I felt like Prometheus (look it up). "I brought them something good... and this is the thanks I get!" It wasn't a total loss, though, not everyone hated it. Still, if they didn't like it they can go back to listening to "Good Clean Gun".

I mean "Fun".

Religion and Razorblades

2006-09-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

Ok so I've decided that the current world we live in is too messed up so I'm going to create a new one. This new world will be based upon two ideals. The first ideal is that money will be abolished. Instead, razor blades will be used to settle any and all debts, public or private. I'm not talking about any ordinary razorblade, I'm talking about the Fusion blade from gillette. Five blades, people. That's right. The monetary value of this wondrous piece of technology is beyond measure and its merit as a tool of male grooming is vastly underrated. This means, of course, that the male gender will be in control of my new world, as it is today. Do not fret, though, because they will all be impeccably groomed.

The second ideal is that your religion will be kept to yourself. As we all know, religion, before any other reason, is responsible for the deaths of countless people. So to avoid that in my world you can believe in anything you want, even spaghetti monsters, but you can't force your beliefs on other people. This time around, the native peoples of this world will be able to keep their religion and not feel bad about worshipping a god in charge of smooth shaves because as we all know, there is no wrong religion.

And everyone will be happy because they will all own foot massagers.

Update on the lump

2006-08-16T03:18:00.000-07:00

Ok so the biopsy came back negative, so that's good. On the other hand, the CT scan showed other nodes that were enlarged, though not as big as the main one, so that kinda sucks. The doc gave me two options. He could take out the lump and do further tests on it to be 100% sure that nothing is wrong, or I could wait six weeks and get it checked out again. I chose to wait, although he did tell me that he removed a similar lump from this woman and they found out she has lymphoma. I thought that was awful nice of him to share that story. Anyway, that's all I got for now.

On a more serious note......

2006-07-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

So at the beginning of May I got really sick, some kind of virus, never figured out what it was. I went to the university health center where the doctor gave me some penicillin. I had a reaction to it, didn't know I was allergic, so they switched me to something called ketek. This was a weird virus, too, I felt like absolute dung. Worst I've ever felt while sick. Two weeks later I was better, however, some of my nymph nodes swelled up and one in particular didn't go down. Right underneath my jaw on my right hand side. I'm pointing to it in the pic. I went to the doctor two weeks ago and he recommended me to an ear, nose and throat guy. I went to him and he scheduled some tests which I took last Friday.

So the tests I was scheduled for were a CT scan and a needle biopsy. I showed up and they took me to do the ct scan first. The setup looked like a table with a giant donut at one end. You lie on the table and it's pushed through the donut, which is making this horrible electronic throbbing noise. They injected me with a dye, which was weird. The tech told me I'd feel warm all over. When the stuff got injected I felt a hot sensation spread over my entire body. I thought to myself, "This must be what heroin feels like." It was weird, but not entirely uncomfortable. Then they put me in another room with the same setup to do the biopsy. It was supposed to be ct-guided. So they put me on the table and put this blue drape over my face, which I had on for the next 45 minutes or so, it sucked. They numbed up the area and started to jab a needle into my neck...repeatedly. I couldn't feel anything, though, which was fantastic, cause the doc was stabbing me like I was a block of ice and drinks were needed. So after this they told me they needed another sample, so this time they used some sort of gun. All I heard was a pop cause I was still under the drape. Thankfully they got what they needed and I was outta there.

I find out the results sometime next week. Hopefully it won't be anything too serious. The waiting sucks, though. I'll let everyone know when I know.

The First Act of Aggression

2006-07-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'm declaring war on my brother's blog. He's in the links section under DanBro. As my first act of agression, I'm going to hijack one of his posts.

"Look, Radiohead is nothing special. They are doing nothing that is "revolutionary". They are a band that is popular with people with no musical talent or experience whatsoever. I have concluded that they, in fact, Suck.

Maybe I just "Don't get it", in fact, I will admit that I don't get it. They are an all hype bullshite band. They only way I can figure that they are so well liked is that some "cool" guy said, "They are so progressive and so innovative!" Ignorant little poseurs just went along with some fool and no one wants to say that they suck, it is like a mass hallucination to save face. Imagine someone tells you that it is cool to wear pink shirts, so you wear a pink shirt. Then the people say it is cool to wear the collar popped, so you wear the collar popped. Then they say, radiohead is the best band in the world, so you say they are the best band in the world. It is the band for the ultimate sheep.

Ok, rant over."

And that concludes my first act of aggression. Whatchoo gonna do, Dan? Bring it. Come on. Do it.......do it. Whatcha got?

“"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the Spider to the Fly; "'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy”

2006-07-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

So the picture you see above is that of the Brown Recluse Spider. Here is some info on it. I've been finding these little suckers all over my house. Well, more like in my closet and garage. Ocassionally one wanders out into "human territory", only to be crushed under my mighty heel. They're pretty dangerous but I have confidence that I won't be bitten because I know the FACTS. And as we all know fear is rooted in the unknown. I've captured one and he is currently residing under a glass mug in a corner of my room. I haven't decided what to do with him yet and it's been two weeks since I caught the little bastard in my closet. Maybe a science experiment where I see how long he can hold out without food. The only thing I've decided is that I can't name him, because that would just create a bond between us and I wouldn't be able to dispatch him as easily. He won't do much in his 8-ounce world, just wait for the reaper. Or my heel, whichever comes first.
For those of you who are not squeamish, and I really mean it cause these pics are not pretty, here is a picture of a bite, and here is a couple more. This site is actually interesting. It chronicles a brown recluse bite from beginning to end.

On a side note, speaking of squeamish I can't help to be reminded of my roommate Noah, who is so squeamish he can't even cut a raw steak. Seriously.

On a lighter note, This guy should've kept his arms up.

Horny Mexicans

2006-07-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

So there are these Mexicans at my work, they arrive after the store is closed and they clean the place up. There's this one guy in particular...short...fat...missing teeth...the very definition of the word "Sancho"...and I talk to him now and then. All he talks about are the women that work there. He's obsessed. It's a damn good thing that he can't speak English or he would've been fired a long time ago. BTW that pic was on the cover of a magazine published two years ago. Sparked a little controversy. I thought it was appropriate given the subtle racist undertones of this post which, I assure you, are completely unintentional. (insert evil laughter here)

Waste of Time

2006-07-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

What is your Brazilian Soccer Name ? Please post your results.

There. Are you happy, Dan?

Best thing I've seen today

2006-06-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/spider-man_3/

Wow. I hope this movie is as good as the trailer. Watch it and tell me if your inner geek doesn't explode with ecstasy.

Dammit

2006-06-24T22:40:00.000-07:00

So far no free money. Maybe I should play the lottery. In other news, many Mexicans have come into my work recently and asked if they could buy the movie "Cars". You know, the same one that's in theatres? The same one that'll be out on DVD in months? No one else has asked me that but Mexicans. I'm guessing they've been doing that at every store in town. I hope it's due to some language issue, because since I'm pretty much Mexican while I'm down here I don't want people to think that I'm stupid. Maybe I should just change my nametag to Pedro. Then you could vote for me. HAHA!!! That was genius.

Two Cents

2006-06-19T23:14:00.000-07:00

So I was working today and these hippies came into my lane, two girls and a guy. Now I don't have anything against hippies, but please.... for the love of God.....bathe or shower or put on some deodorant or something. I had to control the muscles in my face from contorting into a death mask of revulsion while I rung up their stuff. I don't know if they were real hippies or not but they had all the signs. One girl kept saying stuff about revolutions and using the term "righteous", the other had armpit hair longer than my goatee, they asked for paper instead of plastic (which we didn't have), they bought soy milk and wheat bread, and they didn't have enough money. Ok so that last one isn't a characteristic of all hippies (hell they must be rich if they're buying all that pot) but still it was a little annoying. They were short exactly two cents and they knew it but waved it off as if it didn't matter. Now I probably won't lose my job for being two cents short, but at least have the decency to inform me or apologize or ask me for it. Don't stand there like the rules don't apply to you. While this is going on the other girl still won't shut up about revolutions so I said to all of them "It's okay I don't really need your two cents." I don't think they got the joke. Hell I don't even think they were real hippies, they were buying Neutrogena hair care products and shower gel. I really wanted to tell them that the bathroom is on the right, feel free to use those products right away, but they left in a daze with their scent lingering strongly in my personal space. Damn hippies.
By the way, I find it a bit strange that my roommate and I have been listening to Patton Oswalt for a while now and he shows up at my work. Then I mention smelly hippies in my last post and they show up at my work. I sense a pattern. So with that in mind: FREE MONEY.

Minor Celebrity

2006-06-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

So I was working at that retail store I work at. I was in the candle aisle and I saw the guy in the picture come into the aisle and buy some candles. It was none other than Patton Oswalt. (who?)
Yes him. For those of you who don't know him he is a comedian. A very funny one at that. Buying candles. In Murfreesboro. Strange. After talking to him I found out he was in town for a music fest. I think it's called Bonnaroo or Smelly Hippie Convention, one or the other. Anyway he's a minor celebrity that I was actually pleased to meet cause I respect what he does. It's not like I was meeting Tom Cruise or some other crazy asshole. Didn't ask for an autograph cause who gives a damn about someone's signature. He seemed like a nice guy, though and actually apologized to me that he couldn't shake my hand cause he was holding a whole bunch of crap. So that was cool. Then he left and I sank back into the pit of Red and Khaki despair.

Day 1

2006-06-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

nothing happened

OH MY GOD!

2006-06-15T22:19:00.000-07:00